Resolution 2016

First things first, Happy New Year, you guys! If you’re anything like me, you know better than to make New Year’s resolutions because of your shoddy track record. But if you’re particularly optimistic then go right ahead, think of a resolution you’re going to religiously try to complete until it’s April and you give up because you ‘don’t believe in resolutions and all’. Nevertheless, I’ve listed 5 common ‘New Year’ resolutions you could promise yourself to complete and how you could extend their ‘expiry date’ to at least three-quarters of the year. Let’s do this. 

1. ‘Weight and Watch’ 

Beating the kilos is hands down the most common New Year’s Resolution especially after the ‘Thanksgiving-Christmas-NYE’ trio. For some others, it’s because of stuffing themselves thicker than a November turkey, all year round. Now I’m a part of the latter and let me tell you, if you’ve gotta ask whether you look fat… You probably are. There’s no other way you’re going to lose weight besides actually signing up for a gym membership or commit to going for a run. Not ‘whenever you can’ or ‘as time permits’ but according to a schedule you make for yourself and plan on following. Burn the fat, look like Chris Pratt. (Not my best one, I know). 

  

 

  

2. ‘C-Grade’

‘Next semester’ is not the right time to start studying. ‘Tomorrow’ is not the right time to start studying. No your mom hasn’t taken over my blog. No I’m not going to appear in 3-D outta your phone saying ‘Beta Padhai Karo’. Not yet. You probably have an assignment to complete, a test to study for, or homework your ‘dog ate up‘. You even have your excuse planned up. You should go make yourself a timetable or a planner. There are far too many apps to help you out regardless of whether your 19th century teacher knows about them. You should stop procrastinating and go do it (after you finish reading this post two or three times of course, I worked hard on this one. 10 minutes of my life I’m never getting back). 

  
 
3. ‘Fam-Jam’

Raise your hand if you’re on Tumblr 18 hours a day or watching cats get belly-rubs on YouTube. (Don’t judge me, I’m a future cat-lady). If spending time with your family is one of the resolutions you’re not going to complete, then you’re going to have to get off your laptop/phone/mobile/whatever device Apple launched in the last 5 seconds. Go over to your mum’s room and put the television off. Don’t if she’s watching a soap opera. Trust me, they don’t like it. At all. And ask her how she’s doing. If she’s taken aback about you inquiring about her life, her reaction says more about you than about her…

  
 

4. ‘Masterchef?’

No don’t look away, you know I’m talking to you. Those of us who can’t even make ourselves a mug of coffee to save a life. Huddle up, story time. While I was on vacation, I was having breakfast one morning when I happened to see a toaster and slices of bread arranged adjacent to it. Now I wanted myself some toast but I just couldn’t operate the machine. I freaked out so much that I almost sat down on the floor in front of 50 other diners and called my mother to help me out because, I mean I was embarrassed but I still wanted that toast. Watching ‘Nigella’s Kitchen’ or ‘Masterchef Australia’ doesn’t teach you how to cook. All it does is make you want to whip up your fridge. So don’t say it’s for ‘informative purposes‘, I’m onto you. Also, I don’t think I’ll ever try out for Masterchef. You know what’d happen? Besides a meltdown? I’d end up eating whatever I’d make before the tasting. 

‘So what have you made for us today, Akash?’

‘Is it too late now to say Sorry?’

Sign up for an actual cooking class or buy a cook book and try out some easy recipes. Just don’t burn your house down or something. 

  

 

5. ‘Social Butterfly’

You should scroll down if you’ve got a resting bitch face that’d put even Kristen Stewart to shame. There’s no hope for you. But if you’re not as doomed, then there’s a few things you could do. You can’t creepily text someone you hardly talk to and expect them to be normal about it. Don’t land up at someone’s residence because you don’t want a restraining order. Start talking to people, in real, vis-a-vis whatsapp or whatever app you use. 

Work your way in, with a group of friends. You know the drill- find common interests and all of that. But most of all, don’t lie about yourself. Be honest and put all your cards on the table, people are going to like you for you. If the last year’s taught me anything, it is that it’s not about those ‘window-dressing’ friends who turn their heads away at a time of crisis but those who actually stand by. And the only way you’re going to have friends like those is if you can be honest about yourself. Okay, side bar. Way too much to real talk. Just make some friends, don’t be a loser. (Sorry I had to say something, it got way too sappy. This isn’t ‘The Good Quotes’ or something). 

That was that. I want you to comment below what your resolution is! Put it in writing, so you can disappoint yourself more. I’m kidding, if you have a resolution set, I hope you keep it! 

I can’t even begin to express how happy I am with the start of a new year. 2015 was awesome, but it had to get over. Thanks to all of you for the love you’ve showered on my work, thank you for the positivity all the year round. I’m working very hard to entertain you guys and I have some really fun things planned. Stay on, stay happy, stay safe. Hustle harder, let’s make it one to remember! 

You can check out the reviews I did all through Christmas Week: 

Pop Culture: https://akashakumar.wordpress.com/2015/12/24/2015-in-pop-culture/

Bollywood: https://akashakumar.wordpress.com/2015/12/23/2015-in-bollywood/

Television: https://akashakumar.wordpress.com/2015/12/22/2015-in-television/

Music: https://akashakumar.wordpress.com/2015/12/21/2015-in-music/

As always, feedback appreciated. 
Email id- Kumarakash.10@rediffmail.com

Instagram- @akashkumarexistence

Twitter- @AkashKExistence